Jane kya chahe man… bavra

Well below is graph of an feeling that has been with me for the last 4 months or so. The graph axis are intensity of the feeling Vs Time. (The indices on timeline axis are Oct 2007, Dec 2007, Jan 2008 and Mid Jan 2008 respectively)

Well whenever the sharp drop occurs, it really really hurts. But I tell you, it would be better/great if the graph remians at a constant now. I really don’t want an another spike. I will try hard and certainly ensure that it doesn’t repeat.

lesson

In life, at least be in talking terms with everyone you know. You don’t know when you might need their help.

Weird Relationships

Just got back from an awesome trip to Kolkata. Went Some Place Else. Its an awesome place with the music and all the chicks around. But more on that later.

It so happened, that in my first year a few individuals meant a lot to me. I loved talking to them. I respected them (I still respect them.). But then our paths separated. They being more social (or you may say I being more of a sucker) had totally a different kinda society than me, although we all were living in the same place. For two years I met then on a particular day of the year, which I felt, was done just becuz it had to be done. So I decided that what the hell…. what is the meaning of this particular day… when we don’t meet the whole year. Thus for the next two years I didn’t meet them on that particular day of the year.

But I, being a total sucker, also committed a felony, which has now become a pain in the ass. Whenever I saw these individuals I would try to avoid talking to them. It was not becuz I had lost respect for them, or I didn’t want to talk or I had wired things in mind… but it was becuz I was confused as to what to do. Should I start a conversation.. or should I say… “Arrey yaar tum tu milte hi nahin”… what should I say??? So I always took the easier way… which was to overlook/avoid them, whenever they were around. I know this is a big mistake. This isn’t the solution. I know I am a dog.

Now the problem is that in a few days we all will leave this place and there is hardly any chance that I might meet these individuals. But I don’t want to end this “Relationship” this way. I want to sort things out. I want to tell them that there was no particular reason for my odd behavior but just that I am not as social as them and and I also suck at talking/conversing. I want to make it up to them… I want to restore the relationship that was there in the starting…

But I think a lot of water has flown since we chatted for hours…

But every problem has a solution. Then what is the solution to this one? Should I call them and tell them all of this? ..Na… they will think this guy is totally mad… But I want to tell them that there is nothing wrong with me and I still have the same respect for them.

Any Ideas how to go abt this??

NOTE: If you have recognized the individuals I am talking about, please don’t write their names anywhere.  I Respect their privacy.

One thing more… I wonder what they might think of me…. maniac.. Weird…. and what about the people related to them who know I have been behaving this way… my god… I am a pig.